A Love Letter to my Mom

Elaine Alice Loging Purdy: November 26, 1933-July 26, 2019

My mom passed away today. She had had her issues for quite a few years and for the past almost four years had lived with me.  Having her with me was at times sad, disturbing and difficult. At other times it was joyful and meaningful. The sad/difficult parts because of the brain traumas she had experienced during the past 12 years.  She wandered my house making circles like a hamster and she would eat anything not nailed down. I had to tie my refrigerator shut so she wouldn’t eat everything in it including raw meat.  She got in one day and ate 3 HUGE uncooked pork chops and 2 pounds of cooked chicken in one day.  She would surface anytime anyone visited with me to see if food might be an offering and to see what was going on. At one dinner party she managed to get her hands on 3.5 burgers-each of which were massive-after having eaten 10 deviled eggs and a pound of potato chips. She would say the craziest things and tell anyone who would listen that I never fed her-this while she ate massive quantities of food.  This, of course, because the part of her brain that regulated eating was destroyed. During the time she lived with me we had our ups and downs but having her with me allowed us to regain the relationship that had been strained during her years of living with John and her drinking.  Her time with me was really meaningful to me. Every day I would come home and check on her. It was my way. Every morning I would get her up and get her breakfast. I cooked the “red sauce” foods she liked. She was good company even when not really the mom I knew growing up. Then she was the mom all my friends wanted. She baked brownies and was at every concert, school function, etc. She was a great mom-my biggest champion and strongest defender.  She always had my back. I will miss her very much. 

She came from a poor, rural family with a huge number of brothers and sisters. By all accounts, her mother was busy feeding the family and her father was angry and mean.  She left home at 16, married at 17 and then made a home for us where we were always certain that we were loved.  I always feel like I took after my father but I know I have many things from her, too. Every year I send Christmas cards which I learned from her. It didn’t matter how busy she was, each year she bought a box of Christmas cards and hand wrote them to her friends and family. She kept in touch with friends over her lifetime.   I value loyalty to friends as cornerstone in my life and I got that from her.  Each year she baked multiple variety of Christmas cookies and we knew we would get them doled out over the holiday.  Many of the varieties I bake each year are her recipes-lemon squares, pecan tarts, and Mexican wedding cakes.  She made Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve special with the variety of hor d’oevres and cheeses that graced our table.  She didn’t have matching fancy serving dishes so she used a variety of pretty plates and that eclectic look is something I embrace (as well as the menu planning for those holidays).  One of my favorite memories was when I was 15 or 16 and she found a magazine that had recipes for Mexican dishes to include chili relenos, refried beans, and enchiladas. She made them for me for my birthday-These were foods none of us had every eaten before and she brazenly cooked them. I remember being so impressed she would try such a thing. One of her favorite “fancy” dishes is beef wellington. I try to cook really elaborate food but have never been brave enough to try to make the wellington.  This didn’t faze her at all.  This while working full time, taking care of us, maintaining a huge garden and running the apartment complexes we owned.  I am good at multi-tasking but I have a microwave-and she didn’t. 

She helped raise Elena.  Their relationship was a thing of beauty.  She made sure that Jay and I could both go to college and insisted that we did go.  She took Dramamine so she could go out on the boat with my father.   As I have mentioned, she put zucchini in everything she cooked including chocolate chip cookies. She back packed through Europe with me and my brother for 9 weeks-eating all things along the way.  We called her the mountain goat because she was so strong. 

  Mom, I love you-I hope that you are now at peace.   A huge part of you has been passed to me and I will pass these same things on to Elena.  You will not be forgotten.    You were loved so very, very much. You leave a hole in my heart that no one else can ever fill. You will be missed every day of my life. 

It’s a food blog so I’ll put in one of her signature recipes-that of Tyro Pita or Greek pastries.